I recently had a conversion with my direct boss that left me feeling devalued and like I was a inch big. I was super ticked off and wanted to rebel. But I have only been at this job for 4 1/2 months and with the exception of this one boss, everyone, including me, feels I am doing pretty well. I was trying to process what the negative conversation could help me learn and trying not to plot revenge when I stumbled across this article, Dealing with Difficult People.
I did some more research and found a plethora of information. Bottom line in all of these articles, I am in control of my perceptions, my beliefs and myself. I can take what my boss said as an insult or figure out why she said it and not how she said it and learn from it. By being realistic in what I want from my job and what she wants from me, takes me out of the victim role. “The problem with being a victim is that you cede the power to influence your circumstances. The painful truth when it comes to the people who trigger you is this: You’re not going to change them. The only person you have the possibility of changing is yourself.” (1)
Did my boss view me as a victim? I have never been a victim so why would she perceive that? Did others perceive that? That caused me to really think and something clicked. By being quiet and observing, she felt like I was not learning. Her perception of me needed to change and I was the only one who could cause that change. So, I thought back to the lecture she had given me and pulled out the key points, looking at them with fresh eyes. I started asking more questions, directly to her and showed her that I could put in the hours needed to learn the aspects of the job that I was not comfortable with and remember this bit of information, “The people who hired you knew what they were doing. And they probably didn’t want to hire someone who was already able to do every part of the job to the highest standard. Why? Because such a person would probably not stay long; he or she would likely look for new challenges from day one.” (2)
Since I have decided to change my perceptions, my boss has noticed and started being positive, saying positive things to me. Sure there is still stuff to learn but I am focusing on the small wins and on being confident in my abilities.
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