It seems we, as human beings, need a sense of resolution. Or at least I do. In the last 24 hours I have had two stories end, one novel and one movie, which just sort of…stopped. No great and utterly redeeming resolutions were reached, no great truths were grasped. And, although I would have been disappointed if they had been neatly tied off and resolved (the story would have been compromised), it was still, at a psychological level, discomforting to not be subjected to some small lesson. Perhaps, ironically, this is the lesson.
In life, there are no great, singular truths. There are only incremental, personal epiphanies that, if grasped, turn into personal truths. What is a truth to you is false to others. Ultimately, your truths should be mutable. You are allowed to discard to discard a truth that no longer serves you and acquire a new one that does. This is why stories have endings. If a story were to continue indefinitely, then it’s message would be diluted by other truths and counter-truths and waves and…ad nauseam. Life itself dilutes truth. This is because personal (life) truths are subject to needs, necessity and desire. In other words, we use truths as tools to aid us in our journey. Example:
When I proposed to my children’s mother, all those years ago, all around me was in flux and I didn’t know how to float or steer the current. I was terrified of floating in what I deemed a fast-moving-rapid-filled river. I needed something to hold on to. That something turned into a someone who was also looking for something to hold onto. My truth was I was in need of Solidity and Security. I built my life around that singular truth. When anything threatened to turn that truth obsolete, it was suspect. But needs change, circumstances change, people change. It took me twelve years, some therapy and a year of pain to realize that:
1. Life is flux. So by default:
2. Truth is flux.
My needs were not the same, so using the obsolete truth was making my reintegration with life ineffectual. The truth that fits me now is Happy Solitude. Happy Solitude is not a universal truth but neither is Secure Relationship. Also, neither is always true.
Needs change and therefore, so do the true things within your reality. Static truths produce frustrated lives. Static truths bring constant conflict as you try to define a different reality with the wrong definition. Your beliefs need to process the new circumstances that you perceive. So how do you determine and find a new personal truth?
1. Well, primarily you need to ask yourself if you are typically happy. If you can’t say “most of the time”, than you need to consider that maybe your truth no longer can translate your desires and needs. Your personal truth sits between your perceptions and your beliefs, and serves to define or translate the state you wish to be in with what your reality is. In a typically happy person, everything is clear and present. If, within you, a conflict due to a mistranslation of reality is ruining your contentment –
2. You need to ask yourself when or where it is you are happiest. Chances are that if the things that make you happy now are significantly different than what make you happy in the past and have an accompanying feeling of guilt, you have some misalignments in your Intention Circle:
Your Beliefs determine your Reality
Your Reality determines your Perceptions
Your Perceptions determine your Thoughts
Your Thoughts determine your Beliefs
3. If the Circle is incongruous, you can count on feeling out of sorts and out of place. This is a state of being which is very untenable and uncomfortable for any significant period of time. So, shift your truth. Make it that simple. Catch it before it causes trouble, such as heavy drinking, sticking things in pipes and arms or cheating on a loved one. Dealing with the incongruity early can circumvent desperate behavior in a much more clement manner that precludes destructive, unhealthy tactics.
4. Talk to those whose lives you will be impacting. If your new truth can accommodate them, than do so. If not, be sure, and then tell them so. Follow through.
When you acknowledge and live by what is true for you, happiness follows.