Self-Discipline is a sticky thing for me.  As you can tell by the delay of this post.  I promised this to you in my last post.  So what is my problem here?  I don’t like to be told what to do.  I don’t like having mistakes pointed out to me.  It doesn’t seem to matter if someone else is doing the telling or pointing or if it’s I.  I get irritated and flustered.  I rebel.  I quit.  I get indigent.  So how am I to strengthen my resolve without ticking myself off?

Well, I suppose I could work through the irritation and embarrassment and learn from my mistake and do it right and better the next time. At the job I am in now, I dropped and broke things on both my first and second days.  I almost quit right then and there.  But the people around me didn’t make a big thing out of it and said we all make mistakes and left it at that and that helped to quiet the horrible things I was telling myself. Really horrible abusive things.  That makes me not want to listen to what I have to say.  I haven’t broken anything since.  Earlier this day, HNWF was having a blistering discussion that I was not privy to until later, and then when I weighed in, it was pointed out that this here post was more than a little late.  Okay, I knew that and it was already being yelled at me in my own head with large amounts of expletives and colorful insults, so hearing it from my partners didn’t help.  I got angry. I said so. I refrained from repeating what I was yelling at myself in my head. For the best, let me assure you.  I am still three inches from walking away from this. But it is an issue of working through the irritation, embarrassment and anger at making a mistake and learning and doing it right next time.

That voice that disciplines me is not a very nice boss.  I run away from it when it comes.  I don’t want to listen to the voice that knows that I need to stay on the project I am on and not leave it for the new, shiny ever-so-new project just right over there.  It is a mean voice.  But maybe if I just listened to the voice, it wouldn’t have to yell in frustration.  Maybe I will find something new and exciting in the project I am already working on.  Maybe if the voice doesn’t need to get my attention it would settle down and be nicer.

I suppose that self-discipline needs to be good at interpersonal communication.  It needs to be able to effectively resolve conflicts, mostly within myself.  It needs to hide the embarrassment and use the feeling of being embarrassed to communicate what the problem is so a solution can be found.  Maybe this is where I need to start.

Yes, I still don’t like disappointing my superiors, partners, myself.  It is embarrassing; especially when you’re just trying to do the very best you can so you can reach the next level.  All I want to do is be an all-star that everyone loves.  Is that too much to ask for?

About Nathan

Hi! I am Nathan! So why am I here? That is my main question. I am fascinated by the current wave of science meeting with the philosophical questions throughout history. I am a Taoist and a disorganized dreamer who makes up new words to describe states of being and thought processes. I love to bring to you these simple yet powerful little inspirations and truths. I believe that each one of us is infinitely important and we are all connected. As Carl Sagan put it, “We are a way for the Cosmos to know itself.” We might be all connected, but you are still you. It is your perceptions that shape your reality. So join me in changing perceptions!

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